I bit my lip, trying to concentrate on the road ahead of me instead of glancing over to the passenger seat. My eyes strayed for a moment and when I looked back at the road, I had to swerve slightly to avoid going onto the sidewalk. Goddamn, I had to learn to keep my feelings in check or I was going to get us killed.
"You tired? I can take over for a bit if you want, or we could find somewhere to stop for the night?" Jack offered, probably concerned over my latest careless swerve.
I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak without careful thought for fear of what would come out of my mouth. "I'm okay, thanks. I just thought I saw something in the corner of my eye." Was I always such a terrible liar?
"Well, okay then." Jack replied, sounding unconvinced. Silence lapsed over us again, comfortable and relaxing, the only noise from the quiet purr of the engine in the moonlit night. After about half an hour, Jack spoke up again. "Mind if I switch the radio on for a little while? You know how I can't sleep in vehicles and that, but since it's just you I might be able to sleep if there's some background noise for a bit."
I didn't exactly understand his logic-then again, it was Jack, I never understood his logic, probably because he didn't have any-but I shrugged, wanting to make him happy. "Sure, knock yourself out." Jack reached for the console, fiddling with buttons and dials until he found a radio station playing music, keeping the volume relatively low. I didn't know the song but Jack hummed it quietly to himself and I had to admit, it was kind of hot. So not what I should be thinking, especially since he's my best friend and I'm stuck in a car with him alone at night and I'm driving...but I'll be damned if it wasn't the truth, I just couldn't help it. Well okay, I probably could if I tried, but whatever.
He stopped humming after a while and another song came on, starting with some weird nonsense that was barely audible and didn't make much sense. I couldn't even tell if it was English. Suddenly the music actually kicked in with a female voice I vaguely recognised singing.
'He says, "Oh, baby girl, you know we're gonna be legends,
I'm the king and you're the queen and we will stumble through heaven'
I didn't recognise the song but I listened carefully to the lyrics. "Is this Halsey?" Jack mumbled, seemingly to himself. I didn't think he was talking to me, so I didn't reply. "Mark?" He prompted and I felt his eyes on my face, watching for me reacting to his words.
"Huh, what, yeah, I don't know know." I stumbled over my words like an idiot, biting my lip to stop myself sprouting out any more nonsense. "I think so, she did that song New Americana, right?" I hoped I was right, otherwise I was really setting myself up to look like an idiot.
"Yeah, she did. This sounds like her too." He stopped talking and we both just listened to the song.
'And I've been sitting at the bottom of a swimming pool,
For a while now, drowning my thoughts out with the sounds'
I couldn't help but relate to what she was trying to say. I was always trying to drown out my feelings for Jack, if not to make them go away, to at least keep them hidden from him.
'But do you feel like a young god?
You know the two of us are just young gods'
I could feel Jack watching me again, making my heart beat harder. I swallowed nervously, forcing myself to keep looking at the road. Do not look at Jack, do not look at Jack, do not look at Jack...well, maybe just a little peek... "Do you feel like a young god, Mark?" My little peek showed Jack holding a strange expression, sort of like he was lost in thought, but also curious.
"Uhh..." I struggled to come up with an intelligent response as I stared out at the empty road, focusing far too much on trying to decode Jack's expression. "I, uhh, yeah. I mean, I guess in a way we all are." I finally uttered, hoping I was making sense, which, let's face it, I wasn't.
Jack mused over my words for a second. "What do you mean by that?"
"I mean, I guess we're all young gods because the whole word is ours to do whatever we want in and our whole lives are ours to do whatever we want with." On a scale of one to idiot, I imagined myself to be pretty damn near the top.
I heard Jack make a 'hmm' noise and wondered what he was thinking. That I was retarded, most likely. "I think that's pretty-" Jack broke off, without finishing his sentence, into shocked silence.
'There's a light in the crack that's separating your thighs
And if you wanna go to heaven you should fuck me tonight.'
"Jesus fucking Christ, Halsey." Jack muttered, shocked, turning the radio volume to silent.
I nodded in agreement. "Wow, uh, fuck me." As soon as I said it, I wished I could take it back. Me and my stupid mouth. Oh my god, I had to learn to keep my mouth shut. I felt my face heating up and was grateful it was dark as Jack stared at me.
I could practically feel the smirk on his face and it was making it really fucking difficult to concentrate on the road. "Well, I don't know if heaven is real or not," Jack spoke, the smirk evident in his voice, "but if it is, I definitely want to go there." He whispered the last part of his sentence, leaning over close enough so that I could feel his breath tickle my ear.
Fuck, that was it, I couldn't concentrate on driving with Jack saying things like that. I pulled over, killing the engine and making it almost completely silent except for my breath, which was ridiculously loud and erratic. I knew Jack could hear it and if anything, that only messed up my breathing more. Fuck. Since when did I start saying that so much? Jesus.
"Do you want to go to heaven with me, Mark?" Jack whispered, breaking the tense quietness. Usually in this situation, normal Mark would make a joke about how that sounded like Jack was offering to murder us both, but normal Mark was on vacation in fucking fairy land and instead I was left in his place, completely incompetent and dangerous...I had no idea what I would say next...
Slowly, I looked around at him, just able to make out where he was and lock eyes with him. It was dark, so dark...I was slipping...
"Mark..." Jack murmured and I vaguely saw the widening of his eyes before crashing my lips to his. It was reckless, it was stupid, it was crazy...it was perfect. "Fucking hell, Mark." Jack mumbled, breaking away for air before returning voluntarily to my lips with a sudden thirst of desire.
What the fuck even...